When Lemons Attack: Dumpster Diving for Crackfic and Defiling Disney

Why, oh why did I do it? Earlier in the week, UYP and I were DMing back and forth on Twitter trying to come up with an idea for today's post. When she sends me this:

Now you all know how much I love my little lemon-sister, and I had just read the FUNNIEST piece of crackfic ever for the LftU contest (side note, I know it seems like I am, but seriously I'm not going to mention this contest every time I post. Promise!). It's In the Name of Science by crackbabby and it is FREAKING hysterical. Go read it now!!!

OK back to the point. Anyway, when UYP suggested the "When Lemons Attack" idea I thought, "Awesome, I'll just find some more well written, exteremely funny, lemony filled crackfic and pimp that on the blog. No sweat!"

WRONG!!!!!

First off, not a lot of folks write crackfic, which is a crying shame because if you can't laugh at Twilight then really, you're taking this stuff a little too seriously. And with all of the crazy porn, I mean fanfic, I've been reading lately, a little funny was a nice palate cleanser.

Then I started dumpster diving.

(What does that Caution sign say? Oh yeah, "Fiction found may be extremely vile. Enter at your own risk!" I should have read the label! *facepalm*)

For those of you not in the know on this one, dumpster diving in this context means doing random searches in FFn or Twilighted and cold-reading fic after fic after fic. Whoo-whee, I came across some doosies! Seriously, I read stuff that made me want to bleach my brain out. But for you, dear readers, I perservered! I know, I know. I'm a giver.

And I actually found some pretty funny, super smutty stuff. Go fanficdom!!!!

So much that in fact I'm going to be revisiting this topic in the future. But enough of that. For now, let me show you the shiny-shiny thing I found!! *happy dance*

My favorite find of the day was Snow White and the Dirty Vamps by pinkythesupergirl (aka bloodredlust on Twilighted.net).

I just couldn't do the Disney cartoon image. I have kids, people, and I'll have to watch that movie with them one day.

It's a funny crossover between Twilight and Snow White (you know Walt Disney is spinning in his grave right now!) where Alice (our Snow White) is a very naughty girl and there's nothing small about her men!

I liked the way pinky made each of the "dwarves" one of the guys from Twilight. Sure Doc is easy but Grumpy? Bashful? And Dopey's not even Jacob (it just would have been too obvious, you know?).

I also loved how evil Alice/Snow White is. Not that's she's serial killer evil, it's more that she's the way I imagine the non-veggie vamps of Twilight to be. Sure she's going to kill you and it's going to turn her on, but it's nothing personal.

Then there are the sexy times. And OH BOY are these lemons steaming hot. Anyone not into reading one chick hitting it with LOTS of dudes, this will SO not be for you. But if you're curious, and I know you are....get yourself a fresh pair of panties before you clicky the link.

Before I give you a little tease (you know I wouldn't leave without just a little tease!), I just want to point out that pinky/bloodredlust makes a point of stating that she reviews everything she reads because that's what she considers good etiquette. So if you decide to read, please, please leave her a review. Even if it's "Wow, that was great," or "Wow, that was crazy," please leave at least a short, polite comment. It will mean the world to her.

And without further ado, the tease:

I heard a low growl from the doorway and glanced up in eager anticipation. My happy had finally joined us, and he certainly seemed to be living up to his name, if the giant erection standing out from his perfectly massive body was any indication. I knew he'd worked himself over already in preparation; he always liked to make an impressive entrance. I hissed in response, unable to hide my pleasure at the idea of that massive cock inside me... knowing that if I wasn't immortal, and therefore unbreakable, he would tear me in half. My virginally tight cunt hadn't changed since my transformation, which added to my own pleasure as much as it did to the boys; but with none more so than Emmett.

"Hey Happy"

"Hi Ho"

I grinned. He was the only one who could get away with talking to me like that... and he took full advantage of it. "Come and fuck me."

His growl of desire tore through him and was left behind in his wake as he sped across the room and leaped onto the bed. In one movement he had fallen to his knees, pushed me over so that I was lying across Carlisles chest; the Doc's tongue still working pleasantly against me... and shoved his long, thick length inside me without hesitation... filling me to the hilt and making my legs tremor. I couldn't help but scream. I could feel my orgasm coming already.

Whoo...is it getting hot in here? *fans self* Well, I hope you enjoy this funny, sexy little romp. I know I did.

*skips off to find Mr. Foxy....*