Do Peaches Have Teams?

So it occurred to me the other day that I've never read a Team Jacob fic. Crazy hunh? For as much as I feel for that no-so-little guy, I've never gone out and found a fic where he gets his happily ever after with Bella. So odd.

What made me realize this, of course, is that I found a lovely story where Jacob gets just that: Bella all to himself, forever. And since it's even rated K+, I knew I had this weeks pick for TPG. It's a great, short one-shot called The Third One Between by Stretch, an author whose work I became familiar with due to her FABULOUS one-shot for the Love for the Unloved contest: The First Five Times. Please, if you haven't had a chance to read this great story about Leah, run don't walk, over to FFn and do so NOW!!

The title, The Third One Between, comes from a beautiful and haunting Vienna Teng song, Between.



This story gives us a slice of Bella and Jacob's life a few years down the road. A future in which we can only assume that Edward never returned and Bella eventually did recover, with the help of her own, personal sun. Bella's had a bit of a shock, though, and as Jacob arrives home, she's reluctant to share it with him.

“Bella?” he asked tersely. “What is this?”

Her mouth went dry, but the shock that rushed through her frame was quickly replaced by anger. “You went through the trash?!” Bella demanded in response, slamming a stack of plates down on the rickety kitchen table.

“No, I knocked the basket over looking for band-aids under the sink and this just happened to fall out.” Jake waved the stick at her incriminatingly. “What, were you not going to tell me?” His expression was pained but his voice was full of tightly controlled anger. It was the tone he used when his shape didn’t want to stay together.

“It’s not like that.”

“It’s not like that,” he echoed. “Is this a pregnancy test, Bella?”

She couldn’t meet his eyes, turning back to the counter and gripped the edge to steady her shaking hands. “Yes.”

“Is it positive?”

“Yes,” she muttered again.

“Then I guess it’s exactly what I think…”

The silence was deafening. Bella had never fully understood that phrase until just then, when the dripping of the sink seemed to echo across the expanse between them like battle cry. The anger was seceding from her veins now, being replaced by the familiar gut wrenching fear that had gripped when she’d paced the length of bathroom earlier this evening.

“I have an appointment at Emily’s clinic tomorrow morning before work,” Bella said softly, staring down at her chipped nails. “I was going to tell you when I was sure-”

“Sure?” Jacob interrupted, his voice now coming from close behind her. “There’s four more tests scattered all over the bathroom floor right now. All different brands. Bella?” He crossed the room in a single stride, his hand lightly reaching for her arm. “Bella, are we having a baby?”

She couldn’t answer. The fear seemed to have migrated from her stomach up to her esophagus, and Bella knew that if she tried to speak she’d either throw up or cry, neither of which was an acceptable option to her. Instead she just nodded limply.

Jacob grabbed her arm gently and pried her away from the counter. An errant finger forced her to look up, to meet his eyes. She expected to find terror spelled out all across his features, but instead his expression was one of burgeoning hope and excitement. He was a child looking at a wrapped present, barely containing his yearning for whatever lay beneath the paper. “Bells, we’re having a baby?” he repeated.

“Yeah,” she muttered, finally forcing out the words. “Yeah we are.”

His expression morphed into one of utter reverence. He reached around behind her and tossed the test onto the counter.

“Don’t put that by the food!” Bella protested, voicing the first reaction that came to mind. “I peed on it, for crying out loud!”

But Jacob didn’t say anything. He just dropped to his knees and with the most delicate of touches he grabbed Bella’s hips and pressed his ear to her abdomen.

Bella didn’t know weather to laugh cry. “You really have gone off the deep end, Jacob!” she seethed. “It’s not even the size of a tadpole yet. There’s nothing to hear, not even with your ears.”

“Just checking.”

Jake's so sweet and perfect in this story! If there's even a hint of Team Switzerland in you, you'll be sighing over what might have been. So please, read, review and ENJOY!!!

When Lemons Attack: Dumpster Diving for Crackfic and Defiling Disney

Why, oh why did I do it? Earlier in the week, UYP and I were DMing back and forth on Twitter trying to come up with an idea for today's post. When she sends me this:

Now you all know how much I love my little lemon-sister, and I had just read the FUNNIEST piece of crackfic ever for the LftU contest (side note, I know it seems like I am, but seriously I'm not going to mention this contest every time I post. Promise!). It's In the Name of Science by crackbabby and it is FREAKING hysterical. Go read it now!!!

OK back to the point. Anyway, when UYP suggested the "When Lemons Attack" idea I thought, "Awesome, I'll just find some more well written, exteremely funny, lemony filled crackfic and pimp that on the blog. No sweat!"

WRONG!!!!!

First off, not a lot of folks write crackfic, which is a crying shame because if you can't laugh at Twilight then really, you're taking this stuff a little too seriously. And with all of the crazy porn, I mean fanfic, I've been reading lately, a little funny was a nice palate cleanser.

Then I started dumpster diving.

(What does that Caution sign say? Oh yeah, "Fiction found may be extremely vile. Enter at your own risk!" I should have read the label! *facepalm*)

For those of you not in the know on this one, dumpster diving in this context means doing random searches in FFn or Twilighted and cold-reading fic after fic after fic. Whoo-whee, I came across some doosies! Seriously, I read stuff that made me want to bleach my brain out. But for you, dear readers, I perservered! I know, I know. I'm a giver.

And I actually found some pretty funny, super smutty stuff. Go fanficdom!!!!

So much that in fact I'm going to be revisiting this topic in the future. But enough of that. For now, let me show you the shiny-shiny thing I found!! *happy dance*

My favorite find of the day was Snow White and the Dirty Vamps by pinkythesupergirl (aka bloodredlust on Twilighted.net).

I just couldn't do the Disney cartoon image. I have kids, people, and I'll have to watch that movie with them one day.

It's a funny crossover between Twilight and Snow White (you know Walt Disney is spinning in his grave right now!) where Alice (our Snow White) is a very naughty girl and there's nothing small about her men!

I liked the way pinky made each of the "dwarves" one of the guys from Twilight. Sure Doc is easy but Grumpy? Bashful? And Dopey's not even Jacob (it just would have been too obvious, you know?).

I also loved how evil Alice/Snow White is. Not that's she's serial killer evil, it's more that she's the way I imagine the non-veggie vamps of Twilight to be. Sure she's going to kill you and it's going to turn her on, but it's nothing personal.

Then there are the sexy times. And OH BOY are these lemons steaming hot. Anyone not into reading one chick hitting it with LOTS of dudes, this will SO not be for you. But if you're curious, and I know you are....get yourself a fresh pair of panties before you clicky the link.

Before I give you a little tease (you know I wouldn't leave without just a little tease!), I just want to point out that pinky/bloodredlust makes a point of stating that she reviews everything she reads because that's what she considers good etiquette. So if you decide to read, please, please leave her a review. Even if it's "Wow, that was great," or "Wow, that was crazy," please leave at least a short, polite comment. It will mean the world to her.

And without further ado, the tease:

I heard a low growl from the doorway and glanced up in eager anticipation. My happy had finally joined us, and he certainly seemed to be living up to his name, if the giant erection standing out from his perfectly massive body was any indication. I knew he'd worked himself over already in preparation; he always liked to make an impressive entrance. I hissed in response, unable to hide my pleasure at the idea of that massive cock inside me... knowing that if I wasn't immortal, and therefore unbreakable, he would tear me in half. My virginally tight cunt hadn't changed since my transformation, which added to my own pleasure as much as it did to the boys; but with none more so than Emmett.

"Hey Happy"

"Hi Ho"

I grinned. He was the only one who could get away with talking to me like that... and he took full advantage of it. "Come and fuck me."

His growl of desire tore through him and was left behind in his wake as he sped across the room and leaped onto the bed. In one movement he had fallen to his knees, pushed me over so that I was lying across Carlisles chest; the Doc's tongue still working pleasantly against me... and shoved his long, thick length inside me without hesitation... filling me to the hilt and making my legs tremor. I couldn't help but scream. I could feel my orgasm coming already.

Whoo...is it getting hot in here? *fans self* Well, I hope you enjoy this funny, sexy little romp. I know I did.

*skips off to find Mr. Foxy....*

Slash, Femme-slash, and learning to love it all

Now I'm going to apologize up front because I ABSOLUTELY don't want to offend anyone.

Sex and sexual fantasies are very personal topics and I firmly believe that the things that turn us on don't necessarily correlate to who we are to the everyday world. Sex is primal, instinctual, and who we are during sex isn't the same as who we are when we are at work, or taking care of our kids or whatever.

That being said, I don't think of myself as much of a prude, but I realized the other day that from a fanfic perspecive, it's taken me a long time to get adventurous. *waggles eyebrows*

I'm pretty much a canon shipper lover. I love me some Bella/Edward, Jasper/Alice even Emmett/Rose lemons. I'm heterosexual in RL and it never really occurred to me to go seeking out any other orientation when I first found out about fanfiction.

BUT!

As you know, my adorable, fabulous, lemony soul sister often likes to make recommendations to me and one in particular got me hot and bothered. And not just because of the lemons. She sent me a snippet from The Trip Home by mskathy. It's a Edward/Bella/Jasper polyamorous fic. And I'll tell the truth right here, if she had sent it to me as a link instead of the direct text I probably wouldn't have read it (sorry, UYP!).

It's just I don't think of three-ways as my bag. But believe me when I tell you that, while it may not be my personal bag, this shit is HOT! Super-nova, forget-even-wearing-panties-because-you'll-just-have-to-keep-changing-them hot! I was astonished by how turned-on I was by this story.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and I'm reading all the entries in the Love for the Unloved contest and I come across my first slash fic, The Road Less Traveled by robpat. Again, this was not something that I would have thought I would enjoy. I mean, I'm a girl and it's about sex between two guys. Not a whole lot of room for me, even imaginary-me, in this equation, but again I was wrong. This is hot!

So I started to have a crisis of faith. I know I'm not gay, let alone a gay man. I'm all up in Mr. Foxy's stuff and I have breasts (therefore I am woman, hear me roar) and he's definitely a manly man (chest hair and all, Rarrrrrr!!!!), but I wondered if it said something about me that I was into things I clearly wouldn't (or physically couldn't) participate in.

Of course, I wondered this for all of two seconds before reality set back in.

Duh, Foxy! It's about FANTASY. HELLO!!!!!!!!!!

I happen to know that a ton of my bloggy/twitter girls are into Mason from DirtyNelly's Buried Among the Begonias and I'm not getting the I-like-to-be-water-boarded-for-kicks vibe off of them. Although you never can tell....but we'll save that for another post. *wink*

Still need convincing? Yeah, me too. So I went online and did a little research about women and pornography (it's the nerd in me, she'll never die!). And I found a fantastic article on cnn.com that was written for Oprah.com. In it they cite a 2004 study done by Northwestern University that found:

[When] the researchers showed gay, lesbian, and straight porn to heterosexual and homosexual women and men, they found that while the men responded more intensely to porn that mirrored their particular gender orientation, the women tended to like it all. Or at least their bodies did.


That's right. Men were tied down to their actual sexual proclivities but women were up for anything! So what gives? Why couldn't I just let it all go and be happy that nature was encouraging me to be an equal-opportunity porn reader?

Well, the nervous me inside my head whined, what if my friends found out I liked lesbian and gay pornography?

OK....what if they did? First of all, we'd already be WAY past the TMI line at that point, so really, pull up your big girl pants and say, "This is me. Love me or piss off!" Secondly, how do I know THEY don't dig to gorgeous girls or super delicious guys getting it on? That's the thing about fantasies. They're in your head.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is if you're like me, and had been getting into a rather vanilla rut, SHAKE IT UP! Try out a little slash. Because the only thing hotter than one smoking hot Twilight guy is two!

Or try out some femme-slash. You know we all have a wicked girl crush on Ashley, I mean Alice. Take that for a whirl and see if it doesn't kick the temperature in your pants up a notch.

























Not into Alice? I read a FANTASTIC femme-slash one-shot about Jessica and Lauren of all characters in the LftU contest. It's called Damned If You Do by Kristen Nicole and not only is it hot as hell it makes a convincing case for why Lauren is always such a biotch! I actually liked her version of Lauren. Take that for what it's worth.

Whatever you choose, just remember: no judgment, only pleasure.

And happy reading!

Contest Spotlight: Love for the Unloved

Who doesn't love a good contest? Be it a potato sack race or a marathon, they push us to try just a little harder and nothing's sweeter than bragging rights when you win.

It's no shock that the same thing applies in the fanfic world. There's ALWAYS a contest going on. Right now, I know of six open contests (info via TwiFic News), plus another seventeen that close on or before December 1st. So, clearly, there's no shortage of ideas floating around out there to light a fire under your laptop. And you never know, you could be the next AngstGoddess003!

Even if you don't like to write, there's another good reason to keep your eye on the contests: you might find the next AngstGoddess003! Or tarasueme. Or whomever your favorite author these days is.

And so, I've decided to read all the entries in the latest contest I entered: Love for the Unloved. One reason behind my decision was that when I posted my first story for a contest, it occurred to me that now these writers and I had something in common. We had all taken on the same writing task and come up with completely different stories. And in a show of solidarity, I should read theirs.

But the other reason was that as I looked over the other contestants, I didn't recognize any of the authors who've submitted so far. Which meant my chances of finding a new author making her or his way up in the fanfic world was pretty good. And I think I did: her name is Kristen Nicole.

I've only read the first story posted to the contest, "Damned If You Do," by Kristen, but it was SO AMAZINGLY HOT that I'm looking forward to reading her other two stories.

Her contest entry is a Lauren/Jessica femmeslash that actually makes you like Lauren and Jessica let alone be thrilled that those girls are hitting it. It's very well written, with lots of emotional depth, and balances funny and sexy well.

Please do check it out. And if you have the time, take a few minutes to read the other entries. And always, when you're done, please, please leave her a review. Nothing makes a writer's day like feedback. So if she puts a smile on your face, give her a little love back.

Thanks!!!!